unwanted

what you say is not what you do.

two men in two days. now i will have to face the memories of two new men in my life. two deceptions.

number one, he does not need to be mentioned with a name, was the kind of men i have been avoiding since i started dating. he was senseless, rude. now thinking, i still do not know why i went on that meeting. maybe i know - i wanted sex. he did as well, at first.

when we met, i studied his face - white, shaved on the night before - then i tried to understand why he was there with me. my thoughts were very correct: he was self-centered and talkative (about himself). i guess i listened carefully for two hours - seven to nine. then, he said "i think we should go now". when he said that i knew we will never see each other again.

number two, well he deserved to be mentioned with a decent name, was the sweetheart i found on-line. he was kind and seemed very polite. cute.

i knew why he asked me out. at least, i thought i knew. he met me with a warm smile, i was happy. then we went straight to the movie. i did what i thought i was supposed to do, put hands near him, legs touching. he did nothing. less than three minutes after the movie finished i was on my way home.

i thought of poison, death. i was unwanted by two men in two days. thought of revenge, but how? no sex with number one, no romance with number two.

it is raining on me, now i wait for the sun.